What exactly is emotional intelligence and why is it important?
Let’s face it, we are all governed by our emotions. Our feelings dictate how we experience the world, the choices we make, how we feel about ourselves, our self-image and how we react and relate to others. In other words, our emotions direct how we experience our lives.
All this said, given the significant role our emotions play in the scenes of our day to day you would think it would be a familiar place.
Yet, most people have a limited ability to navigate their personal emotional landscape and resort to describing their feelings in general terms like “I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m scared, I’m nervous, I’m happy, etc. Identifying even these five emotional states is a stretch for most people.
Ten years ago an IQ was the primary marker for how we measured the potential overall success of an individual. But now potential Employers use EQ ( emotional quotient) tests to identify the EQ of job candidates and to often qualify their EI fluency during interviews using specific EI directed questions.
Once familiar with cultivating healthier emotional awareness, people begin to feel less reactive in their relationships and professional lives and become more proactive in seeking out what they want in the world.
Emotional Intelligence Practice
What do you know to be 100 percent true in this current moment?
In this moment:
I know the sun is streaming through the window.
I know Billie Holiday is playing on the radio.
I know I must leave the house in fifteen minutes in order to get to my friend’s brunch on time.
I know my dog is sleeping by my side on my couch.
I know I am being still and quiet.
Sit quietly undisturbed and get present.
Sometimes we can only start with the simplest of things that we know to be true. Often, we can become so bogged down with a negative feeling state that we project that feeling onto everything around us.
We lose touch with what is the actual root of the emotion behind it all.
Once you have identified what you know, notice how what you know makes you feel?
- I know Billie Holiday is playing on the radio.
- I feel soothed by Billie’s music.
- I know I am being still and quiet.
- I feel peaceful.
- I know I must leave the house now to get to my friend’s brunch on time.
- I feel stressed about needing to rush.
- I know my dog is sleeping by my side on my couch.
- I feel relaxed.
Once you have identified what you know and how what you know makes you feel, then see what correlations there are and ask yourself next what you want.
I know I must leave the house in fifteen minutes in order to get to my friend’s brunch on time.
I feel stressed about needing to rush
I want to stay put and not go anywhere.
I need quiet me time
I know Billie Holiday is playing on the radio.
I feel soothed by Billie’s music .
I want time to listen to music that uplifts me.
I need nourishment
You will begin most likely to see a theme here. Most of the things you feel and know will be linked to a similar want.
When you have completed your wants, ask yourself for every knowing, feeling and wanting, what is the “need” behind it?
Think of the need as the grand dame of wants. Whereas you can skim over a want, a need screams for your attention; it tends to be urgent and doesn’t wish to negotiate.
Following the needs, ask yourself what the obstacles are if any to getting what you need or what you want. You may notice the so-called obstacles are in your mind.
Return to how you’re feeling. Based on the information you gathered, how do you really feel overall?
